Betting The Farm
by Kalta79
Summary: Reno's inheritance has terms he isn't happy with. Many thanks to obsidians for some of the ideas used here. The next story in this series is The Four Seasons
1. Chapter 1

Reno surveyed his inheritance with a mixture of disgust, confusion, and horror. Why in the hell did Tseng leave him a farm? And why was it called the Higglebottom farm? It had been bad enough when Tseng had been killed, not a mission, but in a hit and run. Except it hadn't been an accident, an ex-AVALANCHE member still held a serious grudge against the Turks, and had seen the perfect opportunity for revenge when they saw Tseng crossing the street on his way to a lunch date with Elena. The Turks had reacted just as viciously, and Reno doubted they would ever find all of the driver's body.

Reno didn't even know Tseng had him in his will...was this his dead boss' idea of a sick joke? Just because Reno's last name used to be MacDonald before he changed it to Sinclair? He couldn't even sell the place, thanks to the terms of the will. And Rufus had temporarily disbanded the Turks while things at Shinra Corp. were rearranged, so without a steady paycheck anymore, Reno hadn't wanted to dip into his meager savings to keep paying rent. And since he at least had some place to go, he gave notice to his landlord, and on his last day at his apartment, he was packed and ready to go in twenty minutes, because he wasn't big on possessions. Everything he owned fit easily in two suitcases, except for some weapons he never used, he just liked them as décor items at his place to reinforce his dangerous bad boy image with the women who kept coming and going.

* * *

"Oh, hi, Elena." Rude was surprised to open his door and find her standing there with a couple bags of takeout.

"I…I hope you don't mind me dropping by. I just…it's too weird not seeing you guys all the time at work." Elena said, embarrassed for not only showing up uninvited, but to see Rude in just a t-shirt and boxers. He looked like a regular guy, albeit a really hot one, but she wasn't used to not seeing him as the highly trained covert operative he really was.

"No, it's okay." Rude let her in, and hurried to his bedroom to get some clothes on. He was kind of glad she had stopped by, he had started getting horribly lazy with nothing to do for the last two weeks but sit on his ass watching TV while waiting for the phone to ring so he could get back in action. Elena's appearance might be a sign that it wouldn't be too much longer.

"Have you heard from Reno?" Elena asked as they ate.

"No, but he's probably just getting to the farm now." Rude replied.

Elena couldn't help but giggle at the thought of Reno as a farmer. Rude just stared at her, having never heard her giggle before. But there was an infectious quality to it, and he smiled at her, which made her blush. "How much do you want to bet that he doesn't make it a week?" Rude asked to let her regain her composure.

Elena slammed a twenty down on the counter. "I don't think he'll last til morning."

* * *

Reno felt stupid for just blindly assuming it would be a modern technologically friendly agribusiness, not a relic from the past. He didn't even see any power poles to the property. Unlocking the front door to the rundown house, he walked in and noticed dust everywhere. He found the bedrooms upstairs and put his two suitcases in one of them. Noticing that the window was boarded up, he went to go take them off, but when he grabbed the first board, he noticed spiders appearing all over the boards, and he hurriedly let go and backed up, right onto weakened floorboards. The next thing he knew, he was on his back and coughing up dust on the kitchen floor, back on the first floor. He just laid there for a few moments, not sure what else this death trap had in store him. As he watched more spiders dangle from the broke floorboards above him, he realized he was going to have to take drastic measures that he hadn't even enacted in any of the previous life or death situations he had been in. He was going to have to ask for help…but who? Eventually he decided who would be best, and stood up, taking his cellphone out.

"Hey, this is Reno…I um…I have a favor to ask. Can you get here as soon as possible? It's an emergency." He recited the address and then hung up. Now all the had to do was survive until morning when help arrived. He decided the safest thing to do would be to sleep in his car.

Reno wasn't happy when he was woken up by someone tapping on his window. It had taken a long time for him to fall asleep, unused to all the noises he kept hearing. And he always got really grouchy when he didn't get enough sleep, unless there was a woman involved. He rolled down the window. "What?" he snapped, unhappy with his lack of sleep and the crick in his neck.

"You tell me, you're the one who asked for help. What's the emergency?" Tifa asked.


	2. Chapter 2

Reno got out of his car and stretched a little to get the kinks out from his awkward sleeping position. "Look around you!" Reno flung his arms to gesture at his inheritance. "This place is a disaster!"

Tifa just stared at him, comprehension coming. "You really are a city boy, aren't you?"

"Yes I am!" Reno agreed with pride. "And you were born and raised a country girl…so you can give me your professional opinion that I just need to burn everything down and put up a casino."

Tifa slapped him. "How could you even say that?! Can't you see the potential this place has? Old farmsteads like this are rare!" Tifa looked at the house and all the outbuildings. "Let's go look at everything." She suddenly grabbed his free hand, his other hand on the cheek she slapped, and she dragged his protesting ass to inspect every outbuilding, starting with the barn.

"You could easily fit two dozen cattle here." Tifa said as she walked in the huge barn.

"It stinks!" Reno complained, holding his nose as he followed her. "What's this?" He pointed to something in the far corner.

"Oh! That's a goat milking stand. It looks to be in good shape." Tifa said after inspecting it.

A sudden noise up in the hayloft momentarily startled her, and Reno shrieked. A family of raccoons peeked out at them, and then went to hide back in the hay.

"Why don't you go to the house while I finish looking at everything?" Tifa gave him a funny look, and he felt totally embarrassed for his reaction, and that made him angry.

"I'll be in my car instead." he sullenly replied and stormed out of the barn while Tifa took a pen and notepad out of her purse and started writing stuff down.

Reno sat sulking in his car, wishing he had something to do. He felt like he was trapped in his own worst nightmare. The passenger door suddenly opened and Tifa got in. "This place is a treasure! But I'm hungry now after looking at everything. Would you mind driving us into town for lunch?" she asked.

Reno wanted to refuse, but then he realized he was hungry too, he hadn't eaten since breakfast yesterday morning.

* * *

They found a diner after driving around the small town for a few minutes, and Reno's temper wasn't improved by the sensation that he and Tifa were the center of attention.

"What's wrong?" Tifa asked when she realized he was still sulking.

"I feel like everyone's staring at us." Reno explained.

"They're staring at you, not me." Tifa told him.

"Why would they be staring at me?" Reno had enough sense not to add _I'm not the one with those breasts_.

"Because you stick out like a sore thumb dressed like that with your hair. They're probably starting to believe in aliens." Tifa said with a smile.

"So what do you think about my sorry excuse of an inheritance now that you've inspected the place?" Reno changed the subject as their food arrived.

Tifa's eyes started shining. "It's beautiful! Sure it needs a little work, but once it's back in working order, it'll be the best farm around!"

"You really think it's that special?" Reno was surprised. The look on her face, he hadn't ever seen that on a woman without his penis in play.

"It was my childhood dream to one day have a farm like that, until…" Tifa stopped talking and her eyes suddenly went dead.

"Until what?" Reno was alarmed by the sudden drastic change in her expression.

"Until Sephiroth came and my childhood went up in flames." she said as she looked down at her plate and picked at her food, her voice barely above a whisper.

Reno didn't know what to say to that, so he just concentrated on his lunch as well. When they were done with lunch, Reno paid the bill and they left, but Tifa didn't get back into his car.

"Would you mind if I stayed here and got some supplies to start fixing up the house?" she asked him.

"How much money do you think I have?" Reno asked with a sigh. "I'm basically unemployed now, and I was living paycheck to paycheck as it was."

"Leave that to me. I'll get a ride home as well." Tifa told him, then started walking towards the hardware store she had seen when they were looking for a place to eat.

* * *

While he was waiting for Tifa's return at the farm, he walked around some, trying to see what she saw in these dilapidated old buildings. Then he remembered that she had called this place 'home' before she left him at the diner. What kind of a woman could think of this as a home? He wished there was some insurance on the place, he knew many ways to make a fire seem accidental.

Eventually he heard a truck coming up the road, and he looked to see a blue pickup heading towards him, with a white pickup following. Tifa waved at him from the passenger side of the blue truck. They pulled to a stop, and as Tifa hurriedly got out, he noticed the beds of each truck were loaded to almost overflowing. He was about to start bitching but Tifa started talking first.

"I got everything we needed to be able to sleep in our new house tonight, honey." Tifa took his hand and smiled adoringly at him as he just stared in shock at her.

The two drivers unloaded the supplies where Tifa indicated to put them, and then drove away after introducing themselves, the blue truck's driver as Mark Ritter, and the white truck's driver as Peter Woods. As soon as the trucks faded from view, Tifa let go of Reno's hand.

"What just happened here?" Reno asked. "And how could you afford all this stuff?"

"This is a small country town, Reno. It's just best that people think we're a newly married couple if we're going to be living together while we're fixing up this place."

"Huh?"

"Well, you did want my help didn't you?" Tifa asked.

"Yeah, but…"

"So I'll help you fix this place up. Just wait and see! I'll be in the kitchen." Tifa grabbed a box of cleaning supplies and started walking towards the house, stopping as she passed Reno. "Thank you." she said quietly, and kissed him on the cheek she had slapped earlier before continuing onto the house, and Reno stared after her.

Tifa drafted Reno to help clear out the broken floorboards out of the kitchen, and once she had the floor swept and mopped, she had him bring in everything else she bought. By the time the sun set, Tifa had the entire kitchen cleaned to her satisfaction. But she was dirty, so she lit the new lantern, and asked Reno to go outside for a few minutes while she gave herself a sponge bath. It went quicker than she thought, because the water from the hand pump faucet came out clear right away, having the dirty water already flushed out from when she was mopping the floor. She didn't like cold baths, but she didn't want to take the time to heat up water on the cookstove. Tifa scrubbed the sink out again when she was done before telling Reno he could come back inside.

"Where'd you get that?" he asked as he looked at the granny nightgown she was wearing.

"Oh, I found this in an upstairs dresser. It was weird cause it was clean unlike everything else in the room." Tifa explained. "You didn't put it there, did you?"

"Me? No, I wouldn't let any of my women be caught dead in something like that." Reno protested.

"Figures. Well, I bought deli sandwiches for our dinner, here's yours." Tifa dug around in one of the boxes, and pulled out a bag. Sitting down at the newly cleaned kitchen table, she handed Reno his sandwich and then unwrapped hers.

"How are we supposed to sleep tonight?" he asked as they ate dinner by lantern light.

"I bought a couple sleeping bags as well."

After they finished their sandwiches, Tifa insisted on setting up the sleeping bags herself once she had washed her hands. Reno didn't care, he just wanted a good night's sleep. He got in his bag as Tifa put the lantern between them.

"Tomorrow we'll work on the bathroom so you can bathe yourself." Tifa said, hoping he would take the hint. "And the basement, which the previous owners used as a root cellar, and the barn and chicken coop, so we can get some livestock."

Reno just stared at her. "You really are into this, aren't you?" he asked as she saw her eyes shining again, enhanced by the lantern light.

Tifa sighed. "I never thought any of my childhood dreams would come true. At least one is, for a little while."

"And you're even willing to pretend to be my wife to do it?" Reno asked.

"I think we both need some sleep." Tifa said, and blew out the lantern. "Good night."

Reno just stared at the darkness where her face was before trying to go to sleep. He half-hoped he was already asleep and would wake up soon. He was sleeping on the floor of a kitchen in rundown house on a rundown farm, and only inches away from him was a woman who, despite his earlier comment, could make even granny nightgowns seem attractive, and saw princes in peasants, just like she saw something beautiful in his pathetic inheritance. Not only that, she had decided to be his fake wife, the one woman who he knew he could never seduce. This had to be some messed up nightmare.


	3. Chapter 3

Tifa woke up first, and laid in her sleeping bag for a moment as she listened to Reno's snoring drowning out all the rural sounds she was used to. She had slept better last night then she had in years. Tifa hadn't realized how much she missed the country until she was back here. She turned on her side and looked at Reno's sleeping profile. He wasn't exactly her type, but she had to admit that he was good looking. She smiled over his attitude yesterday…if she was going to restore this farm to its former glory, she was going to need his help, so she had to convert him to enjoying it as much as she did. Tifa leaned over and kissed his cheek to wake him up.

Reno felt her lips on his skin, and woke up confused momentarily as to where he was. He automatically turned his head, to properly kiss the woman next to him, cupping her head in his hand to draw her closer, then froze as the lips felt unfamiliar. He opened his eyes to see Tifa staring at him with wide shocked eyes, and instantly released her.

"Good morning." Tifa mumbled as she felt her cheeks redden. She must remember the kind of man Reno was. Elena had gossiped about him on occasion when she came to Tifa's bar.

"Uh, good morning." Reno echoed, not realizing he was blushing too.

"I've got granola bars for breakfast in that cupboard." Tifa pointed. "I've got to go use the outhouse, the toilet here in the house is broken." She grabbed a roll of toilet paper from one of the boxes and hurried out the door.

Reno got out of his sleeping bag and grabbed one of the granola bars, crunching it in disgust. He was still convinced this was a nightmare, but at least he got to kiss Tifa. When he was finished with the granola bar, Tifa came back and washed her hands, then saw him just drop the wrapper on the counter.

"No! I just got this kitchen cleaned yesterday, you put that in the trash!" Tifa snapped and pointed to the trash can.

"Fine." Reno pouted but complied. Apparently he had just inherited a mother as well.

"I think this morning we should work on the bathroom and the basement." Tifa said. "Then after lunch if we're done with those rooms, we can start on the chicken coop and barn."

Reno just stared at her. "Shall we also cure poverty and cancer after dinner?"

"Chicks arrive at the feed store in two days, and there's a big livestock auction next week. We can get some good deals to fill the barn and coop back up."

"Chicks? There are chicks in this town?" Reno perked up.

"Chicks as in baby chickens." Tifa explained. "I'll go get dressed now so we can get busy." She grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from a box and went just far enough into the hallway to be out of Reno's line of sight.

Reno frowned. He was stuck somewhere with its own language. Chicks around didn't mean he was going to get lucky, and getting busy actually meant doing work. How was he going to survive this?

"I forgot, I better braid my hair first." Tifa came back into the kitchen, and put her nightgown in the same box her clothes were in, and took out a hairbrush and hair tie. "Would you roll our sleeping bags up please, Grumpy?" Tifa asked Reno, seeing him still frowning as she fixed her hair.

He did a half-assed job, but Tifa decided to let it be for now, he was new to this all. And she would charm him into liking it, she had to…she wasn't letting this chance get away from her.

"Thanks. Let me show you the bathroom." Tifa smiled winningly at him and grabbed his hand, leading him to it.

"This is a bathroom?" Reno felt his lips curl as her surveyed the room.

"Yeah. Here's another pump sink like the kitchen has, the bucket you use to fill the toilet up to flush it, and the clawfoot tub you fill with water you heated up on the cookstove in the kitchen. But the toilet's cracked here," Tifa pointed to the spot. "So it has to be replaced."

Reno decided right then and there that he was going to convince Tifa that this place needed electricity and hot running water. He couldn't live like this…and he had faith in his ability to convince a woman, even if it was Tifa, because he wasn't trying to seduce her, just get some sense into her.


	4. Chapter 4

A week later, Tifa woke up to find Reno's arms wrapped and her, and his head nestled in her shoulder. She realized immediately with great relief that they were still in their own sleeping bags, they were just smooshed next to each other. She shouldn't be surprised, the space between their sleeping bags had been getting smaller every night. Tifa sighed…the last time she had woken up with a man, it had been her last ditch attempt to have a serious relationship with Cloud. She had gotten him drunk and pretended it was their wedding night. But it hadn't worked, he had loved and left her anyway. And now here she was again, pretending to be married to another man. But Reno was…Tifa shook her head to stop her train of thoughts, and the movement woke him up. He instinctively started to cuddle against her for a moment, then remembered himself and let her go. They both quickly got out of their sleeping bags and stood far apart from each other, avoiding eye contact.

"I, um, think we should work on the bedrooms today." Tifa blurted out before she headed to the outhouse.

* * *

"Is there anything else on TV?" Elena asked before shoving some popcorn in her mouth. For the past week, she had been visiting Rude during the day to have some semblance of her familiar routine. But all they did was sit on his couch, eating junk food and watching TV.

"Eh, it's all the same really." Rude answered as he took a sip of his beer, and then burped.

She looked at him, frowning for a moment. "How can you drink that stuff so much?"

Rude pulled a can off the six-pack on the coffee table and handed it to her. "Try it, you'll like it."

Elena dubiously stared at him, then at the beer can. She shrugged and went to open it like she had seen Rude do, and started swearing.

"What happened?" Rude asked.

'I broke a nail trying to open this damned thing." Elena complained.

Rude stared at her, then took the can from her hand and opened it before handing it back to her. "There ya go."

* * *

When Tifa got back, Reno went to find a tree, and went to the granola bar cupboard to grab his breakfast.

"Wash your hands first!" Tifa exclaimed.

Reno grumbled as he washed his hands, then realized Tifa had changed into her work clothes while he was outside. It bothered him that she looked good no matter what she wore. "What now?" he asked in a pouty tone.

"You eat your breakfast while I start sweeping the stairs, then you cart all that mess outside, Grumpy. That will keep us busy until the replacement toilet arrives today." Tifa informed him as she grabbed the broom and left the kitchen.

Reno was glad to be able to eat his breakfast in solitude. He needed some time to think. During the past week, Tifa had never lost her enthusiasm for restoring the farm. And it was getting harder for him to keep his plan in mind, because her constantly smiling at him and touching him as they worked on the place was putting another plan in his mind.

Tifa swept the stairs, glad to be doing something to keep her mind off the lingering sensation of Reno's arms around her. He hadn't been as much help as she had hoped for, they were behind the schedule she had planned. And now they had to fix up separate bedrooms instead of finishing cleaning out the root cellar basement and the barn.

* * *

Rude stared at the empty beer cans and bottles everywhere. Once Elena finished her first beer, she had challenged him to a drinking contest, and now he was out of beer. "What now?" he asked her. At least that's what he thought he said.

Elena belched and then turned to look at him. "I say we…" She suddenly passed out onto his lap.

* * *

Reno and Tifa watched as the plumber installed the new toilet. It had taken so long to arrive because antique toilets were harder to find. "There, that should do it." the plumber said. "Let's test it out." He filled the tank up and flushed it. "Yep, no leaks."

"Thank you." Tifa told the plumber as she led him outside.

Reno stayed behind, filling up the tank again, just so he could see it flush. It wasn't total indoor plumbing, but it was a start.

"Are you ready?" Tifa asked him when she back into the bathroom.

"Ready for what?" Reno was confused.

"To go look at the chicks at the feed store, since we got the chicken coop cleaned out and repaired yesterday." Tifa reminded him.

"Do you have any battery-powered heat lamps?" Tifa asked the salesperson in charge of the chicks.

"Yeah, but you'll need two of them to do any good, cause they don't put out much heat." the salesperson replied. "They're on aisle four."

"Thanks." Tifa said, and went to get some, leaving Reno staring at all the chicks.

"Buff Orpington? Is that a disease these chicks have?" Reno asked the salesperson, pointing at the sign.

Tifa hurried back and handed the shopping basket to Reno. "Quit trying to be so funny, dear." she told him. She wanted to acclimate Reno to country life, to get rid of his complete lack of knowledge on the subject, but she found herself getting embarrassed for his sake whenever he opened his mouth in public. "We'll take two each of the Buff Orpingtons, Rhode Island Reds, Barred Rocks, and Americaunas." Tifa told the salesperson. As the chicks were being put in the cardboard carrier, she turned to Reno. "Honey, why don't you go look at the men's clothes and pick something out?"

"I'm not changing my wardrobe." Reno crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly. "I'm a T…"

"Yes, I know, you're a true city boy." Tifa interrupted. "Except that's what you _were_. You're a country boy now." Tifa took the box from the salesperson and the shopping basket back from Reno, and headed to the checkout line.

Once in the car with the chicks and heat lamps, Reno asked her why she had interrupted him. "Don't **ever** tell anyone you're a Turk out here. I don't want anything to happen to you." Tifa explained.

Reno mulled that over on the way back to the farm. He didn't like being told what to do, especially when he was proud of being a Turk, but he liked that Tifa was concerned about him. She suddenly squealed, and Reno automatically slammed on the brakes. "What?! What?!" he demanded to know, expecting to see a dead body somewhere.

"Look! Free puppies!" Tifa exclaimed and pointed, and Reno saw a van parked on the side of the road with the sign, and a kid's playpen filled with whiny puppies. Tifa ran over them, and immediately picked one up, and it started licking her cheek. She started talking to the man standing there as Reno got out and joined her. Tifa seemed enchanted by the puppies, but he failed to see the charm in the creatures that seemed to be all wagging tongue and tail. "We should take two so they won't be lonely." she said to Reno.

"Why do we even need dogs?" Reno wondered why she cared if an animal was lonely.

"Border collies are essential farm dogs." Tifa stated firmly. "Here, this one's a girl, so I'll get another girl." She picked one up, thanked the man, and then walked back to the car, Reno following her. "Why don't I drive us the rest of the way home, and you keep the puppies on your lap?" she suggested.

"It's my car." he sullenly replied.

"Don't you trust me?" Tifa asked him, then got in the driver's seat when he didn't object anymore, readjusting the seat to accommodate her shorter height so she could reach the pedals.

Reno got in the passenger seat after fixing it for his longer legs. He wasn't sure how he felt about realizing he did trust her. He didn't like trusting people, it was asking for trouble. Tifa put the second puppy in his lap so she could put the chick carrier in her lap, and the puppy put its paws on his chest and started licking his face. Tifa drove more carefully than Reno would have, and he was about to tell her to speed up when the first puppy peed on him. Reno would have felt more vindicated about his lack of trust in people, had he not also felt very wet and stinky. Tifa rolled down the windows.

"I told you to get more clothes at the feed store." Tifa told him, fighting an urge to smile at how comically upset he was being.

* * *

Rude woke up, feeling extremely stiff and uncomfortable. He realized he was on his couch, but his legs felt heavy. He looked down and saw Elena still asleep on his lap. He carefully got up so as not to disturb her, and headed to the bathroom. He hadn't chugged that much beer in a single sitting in a long time. He was washing his hands after relieving himself when he heard a groan. Elena was waking up under severe protest apparently.

"I'm dying…" Rude heard her mutter. He went back into the bathroom and got a cup of water and a couple painkillers.

"Here, take these." Rude gently told her as he sat back down on the couch next to her. She managed to get them down, and then grabbed his arm.

"Who won?" she asked.

"The brewery." Rude answered.


	5. Chapter 5

"What are we supposed to be doing out here?" Reno groused as he and Tifa sat on the porch with their new puppies.

"Watching the beautiful sunset, Grumpy." Tifa reminded him. She supposed at least he had a reason to be grumpy right now. She had hand-washed his urinated clothes for him once they got home and they were on the clothesline right now, so he was stuck in nothing but his boxer shorts now. She found herself constantly distracted by his almost naked body around the house. Knowing he was in good shape was one thing, seeing the evidence of it was another thing entirely. Tifa was grateful they'd be sleeping apart in their own bedrooms tonight. Spiky-haired men were just bad news for her.

"What's that?" Reno interrupted her thoughts, pointing to a spray bottle on the ground next to Tifa's chair.

"Plain white vinegar. You spray it on your skin and it keeps mosquitoes away."

"Is that what that smell is? And what mosquitoes?" Reno asked, then he felt himself get bitten by something, and he slapped his hand on the spot, then saw a splat of something on his hand, and he wiped it off on his chair.

"Those mosquitoes. Bloodsucking insects who love this time of day." Tifa explained as more mosquitoes located Reno's bare skin.

"I know what they are, it's just been a while." Reno exclaimed, offended. "I'm not stupid and I how to handle them." Reno hurried inside, and a few moments later came back outside with his weapon that she remembered well.

'How is that going to help?" she asked.

Reno pushed a switch on it, and she heard a slight buzzing/sizzling sound. He pointed it at any mosquito he saw, and zapped them. "See, I don't need any stinky spray. I'll protect you too." he told Tifa as he saw a mosquito start to land on her. "Don't move." Reno aimed the taser tip.

"What do you think you're do…" Tifa started to say, and then suddenly found herself on the porch floor.

"Um, are you okay?" Reno said, staring at Tifa's body spasming on the ground as the puppies barked at her. He hadn't meant to taser her, but that mosquito had been sneaky.

"Y…yo…ouuuu ba…bas…tar…d!" Tifa managed to say.

* * *

"That looks better." Elena said. When the painkillers got rid of her headache, she had insisted on helping Rude clean up the garbage from their drinking contest.

"Yeah. I suppose you're going home to have dinner now." Rude said, trying to keep his tone level. He liked having her around for company, and with each passing day, his apartment felt emptier when she left.

"Would you like to join me?" Elena heard herself say, and hoped she wasn't blushing. "I order a mean takeout."

"Sure." he replied, and started to head out the door, then realized Elena was still just standing there. "What?"

"Um, you might want to get dressed properly first." Elena suggested.

* * *

"I'm sorry." Reno apologized again to Tifa.

"You're still forgiven." Tifa said as she rubbed the anti-itch ointment all over him as he lay in his bed. While he had been distracted by her swearing at him on the porch floor as her body contorted, the mosquitoes had tried to eat him alive. She had bought the ointment in case of poison oak/ivy, but it worked for bug bites too, and she didn't want him scratching all night and looking sick during the livestock auction tomorrow. "Does that help?"

Reno nodded gratefully. "My back still itches though."

"I'll go get your dinner and bring it to you, and I'll do your back while you're eating." Tifa said, then went downstairs to grab a flashlight before going outside to the entrance to the basement root cellar. She was using it as a walk-in refrigerator. Grabbing what she wanted, she headed back up to the kitchen and made their dinner, chef salad with ingredients that the local farm wives had brought over as house-warming gifts when they stopped by to introduce themselves. She put the leftovers back in the root cellar and then took a fork out of the silverware drawer and walked back up to Reno's room. She didn't know why she was letting him get away with acting like a baby, it's not like he was sick, he could have come downstairs and eaten with her.

"Salad?" Reno wanted to complain that he wasn't a rabbit, but he had already tasered Tifa, he didn't need to take issue with her cooking as well. And her hands all over his back rubbing the ointment felt nice. "Thank you." he said as he managed to eat the salad. At least it had meat in it.

* * *

Elena threw the takeout containers in her trash as Rude broke open his fortune cookie. Unexpected opportunity awaits you. he read. "I wonder what that means?" he wondered aloud.

"I know what it's going to mean." Elena said, coming up behind him.

"What?" Rude asked.

"That you're going to stay the night." Elena sat herself in his lap and kissed him.

* * *

As Tifa got in her bed after washing dishes and making sure the heat lamps were working for the chicks in the bathroom, she knew why she let Reno get away with acting like a sick kid. She needed someone to take care of, and this façade was all she had now. She decided to focus on positive things, like the livestock auction tomorrow. She wanted cows and pigs and horses and maybe a milk goat. She fell asleep picturing the barn full of happy livestock.

Reno lay in bed, almost wishing the bites would start itching again so he could have Tifa rub him down with ointment again. Suddenly his bed bounced, and the two puppies appeared by his head, one on each side, and started licking his ears before they curled up and went to sleep. Reno stared at the ceiling as he listened to their soft snores and wondered what grievous sin he must have committed to have deserved this situation.

The smell of coffee woke Reno up, and he was surprised to open his eyes and see the sun just starting to rise outside his window. Getting out of bed, he started swearing as he stepped in a 'present' left by one of the puppies. He hobbled downstairs to the bathroom to wash his foot off, and he felt the chicks were watching and laughing at him as they cheeped around their box while he cleaned himself up.

"Breakfast will be ready soon." Tifa said as he walked into the kitchen, and she handed him a full coffee mug. He smiled to see that she had made his coffee just the way he liked it as he tasted the first sip.

"How come you're up so early?" Reno asked her.

"The livestock auction, silly. You want to be there early, trust me." Tifa explained as she flipped pancakes.

Reno went to sit down at the set table, which had butter and maple syrup waiting for the pancakes. "Where are you getting all this money to buy everything?" he asked her when she put the platter of pancakes in the middle of the table and sat down in her seat.

"7th Heaven." Tifa said as she concentrated on her breakfast.

"I got into the wrong business if being a bar owner pays so well." Reno remarked.

"We'll have to leave the puppies in the chicken coop while we're gone, we can't leave them in the house alone til they're housebroken. Good thing the chicks will be safe in the bathroom." Tifa changed topics. "And we need to think of names for the puppies."

Reno decided not to mention the names he thought of to call them. "Where are my clothes?" he asked when he finished his half of the pancakes.

"In the living room on the drying rack. I'll wash the dishes while you get dressed and put the puppies in the coop." Tifa stood up and stacked the plates, putting the silverware on top before going to the sink. The water on the cookstove was just the right temperature, and she put the dish soap in the sink before adding the hot water and then the dishes.

When Reno emerged fully clothed from the bathroom, Tifa was putting the dishes in the dish drainer. "It takes you that long to get dressed?" she asked him.

"I had to redo my hair. This is some kind of important social event, isn't it?" Reno thought of all the charity auctions he had attended as part of the security detail for all the elite attendees.

Tifa sighed as she took off her apron. She wished she could somehow hypnotize him into a farmer…he was requiring a lot more work than she thought. "Where are the puppies? Come here, girls!" she called. A few moments later, the puppies came running into the kitchen, and Tifa opened the door, and they obligingly ran outside. "Grab their food and water dishes, would you please?" she asked Reno as she led the puppies to the coop, promising they'd be back soon.


	6. Chapter 6

"Have you heard from Reno lately?" Elena asked Rude as they lay exhausted in her bed.

"No, he's probably still trying to recover from culture shock." Rude replied.

"You should call him. I've got twenty bucks riding on this." Elena put her head on his chest.

"We'll go visit him next week, he could lie over the phone. He might like company by then anyway."

* * *

"It wasn't my fault, he started it!" Reno exclaimed as Tifa drove him home from the police station.

"He was trying to provoke you when he said you needed to cut your hair or join a cult. You didn't have to take the bait. At least you waited until we were leaving the auction to make a fool of yourself trying to fight a guy twice your size. You're lucky all you have to show for it is a black eye." Tifa tried to control her own temper.

Reno refused to say anymore, sulking the rest of the ride home. It really bothered him that the fight ended when Tifa went to pull Reno away, and that oaf grabbed her arm, and she knocked the guy on his ass. The crowd watching had testified that she was defending herself, so it was just Reno who got taken in with a disturbing the peace citation, and Tifa had to pay the fine to get him out. When they got to the farm, the livestock Tifa bought had arrived, and the farmers were waiting for them. She helped them unload the animals while Reno went in the house to put some cold water on his black eye. Things were just not working the way he wanted them to. Maybe he'd have better luck getting some sense into Tifa if he pretended to like farm life…

"Come on, we've got to hurry up and clean out the barn so the animals don't have to sleep exposed in the barnyard. The fence around it won't stop the predators." Tifa said as she came into the kitchen, noticing Reno with a washcloth over one eye. "Here, let me look at that." She gently took the cold washcloth off and looked at his eye. "The swelling isn't that bad, and you're lucky his ring didn't hit your eye. "You stay here and take care of that, I can get the barn done quicker myself without having to explain what to do."

Tifa took a bath after she had the barn cleaned to her satisfaction, and made sure the livestock were secure in their stalls for the night. As she and Reno ate dinner with the puppies running around the table, wanting some scraps, he tried to think of what he could do to impress Tifa to get his way.

"Tomorrow morning I'll show you how to milk the cow and goat." Tifa's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Uh, that sounds great." Reno tried to sound excited, but his voice came out squeaky. Feeling embarrassed, he tried to console himself by staring at her breasts, then realized he didn't want two black eyes.

* * *

"We'll do the goat first." Tifa told him the next morning after another early breakfast. "Her name is Betty."

Reno just watched Tifa as she led Betty to the milking stand and got her secure. "Are the raccoons gone?" he asked nervously.

"Don't worry about them, the presence of our livestock will encourage them to find another home. Now pay attention." Tifa demonstrated how to milk Betty. "You try." She moved so Reno could do it.

"What'd I do?" Reno asked when he tried to emulate Tifa and Betty started having a fit.

"You grabbed her too high. Here, give me your hand." Tifa said, covering his hand with hers. "See? You put your fingers on her teat just below her udder. Any higher you can injure her milk-production capability." She made Reno's hand correctly milk Betty. "And that's all there is to it."

Reno forced a smile at Tifa, trying to pretend that he was okay with it all, instead of the truth that he felt trapped in some weird animal sex threesome video. He just wasn't comfortable touching the mammaries of anything but human women.  
"Okay, can I go back home now?" he asked.

"Nope, you've got to do all of Betty's teats. And then we've got to do Jeanine, the cow." Tifa explained.

Reno swallowed hard and proceeded to try the next teat, but nothing came out. "There's something wrong…ew!" Reno exclaimed. He had aimed the offending teat towards his face to check it out when he got squirted in the face.

"Okay, I think that's enough for today, you can go back in the house now." Tifa told him, and as soon as Reno was out of earshot, she started laughing. He had looked so comical, she couldn't help it. But at least he tried, that was progress. "Sorry about that Betty, he'll learn. Let's finish you up." Tifa petted the goat.

* * *

Over the next few days, Reno followed Tifa on her rounds, watching her take care of all the animals. It didn't take him long to figure out that she liked having lots of animals because she was just a loving person who liked taking care of others. Tifa was just glad to have someone to talk to who wasn't acting like a sulky boy anymore. They were having lunch one day when they were startled by a knock on the door. They looked at each other in surprise.

"I'll go see who it is." Reno said, walking to the front door with the puppies following him. Opening it, he was stunned to see Rude and Elena standing there holding hands, and they were smiling at him. The puppies started barking excitedly and running in circles around the newcomers.

"Hey buddy!" Rude greeted his partner. "How ya doin'?"

"It looks like you've been fixing the place up." Elena said with an edge to her voice.

"You owe me twenty bucks." Rude said as he nudged her.

"Who is it, Reno?" Tifa asked as she came up behind him, wondering why he was taking so long.

Reno took some pleasure in the shock on their faces as they realized he wasn't alone, and that of all the people he could have picked, it was Tifa who was living with him, a Tifa who looked beautiful in the checkered gingham dress she was wearing. He couldn't resist putting his arm around her to needle them more.

"We're not interrupting anything, are we?" Elena found her voice first.

"No, we were just having lunch." Tifa told them. "Come on in. Have you eaten?"

"We stopped and ate on the way." Rude said as he and Elena cautiously stepped into the farmhouse, wondering if they had just entered an alternate universe.


	7. Chapter 7

Rude and Elena looked around them with completely different reactions as Reno took pleasure in giving them a tour of the house and farm, acting like it was all him and he was a farm expert. Elena was disgusted at the primitive conditions, and Rude thought this would be a good place for a short vacation, just to improve skills by having to actually work for necessities, instead of pushing a button or flipping a switch, and going to the store being the last resort.

"Tifa must have been happy to get your call." Rude commented as they walked into the barn.

"Yeah, I didn't know who else to call who had any experience with this." Reno gestured at the animals and the rest of the barn, then realized he had just admitted to asking for help, so decided to change topics. "I guess she'll be leaving soon, once she has everything here to her satisfaction. I'm surprised she could take this much time off running her bar."

Rude and Elena just stared at him. "You mean you don't know?" Elena asked, her nose wrinkling at the smell of the animals and their manure.

"Know what?" Reno demanded to know, looking back and forth between them, wanting to know what they meant.

Elena's lips thinned. "If she hasn't told you, we won't either." she told Reno. He knew better then to press her, having seen that stubborn look in her eyes many times before.

* * *

Rude and Elena left after a pleasant dinner, planning to stay at a hotel overnight before heading back to the city. "Keep in touch, buddy. You're a lucky man." Rude told Reno as he looked at Tifa on the porch before getting into the rental car where Elena was waiting.

"Aren't you anxious to get back to 7th Heaven?" Reno asked Tifa as he cleared the table and put it all in the sink for her to wash, wanting to know what Rude and Elena had alluded to.

Tifa paused for a moment, then resumed heating up water to do the dishes. "I'm fine, don't worry about me." she replied in an odd tone. Reno stared at her for a moment, then shrugged and started getting undressed on his way to his bedroom. It was too hot at night now to sleep in anything, and it's not like Tifa had virgin eyes, based on things she had let slip.

He woke up suddenly when he felt pressure on his bed. He was surprised to see Tifa sitting down on the bed next to him, in a thin summer nightie. "What's wrong?" he asked her, wondered why she wasn't looking at him.

"I probably should have told you earlier, but I…I can't go back to 7th Heaven. It was burnt to the ground when a fire broke out during a bar brawl." Tifa finally admitted. "That's how I could afford all this," she gestured at the house and rest of the farm. "The insurance money."

"Why didn't you use the money to rebuild it?" Reno asked as he sat up.

Tifa lowered her head and was quiet for a few moments. Concerned, Reno put his hand on hers. She turned her head to look at him, and he saw that she had been crying. "I didn't see the point. In the months before the fire, Cloud disappeared again, Marlene decided she wanted to live with Barret, and Denzel's aunt and uncle showed up and took him. 7th Heaven was the last thing I had, and that went up in flames, just like my childhood home did. When I got your call, I was trying to figure out what to do. This is all I have now," she gestured at the house again. "And it's not even mine, it's yours." she concluded, trying not to cry again.

Reno just stared at her, wondering what he could do to cheer her up. She had never hinted at her own problems as he had been a constant whiner since she arrived. And someone as giving as her would have been devastated by losing everyone she took care of, and the business she tended to as well. "How about we make it ours?" Reno suggested before he realized it.

"Ours?" Tifa repeated in surprise, and before she could say anything else, Reno's lips were on hers. The part of her that wanted to pull away was overshadowed by the part of her that wanted to not be alone anymore, and she responded eagerly, Reno's hands exploring her body alone giving her more pleasure than her failed wedding night fantasy she tried to enact with Cloud. By the time Reno entered her, she was overwhelmed by the sensations running through her body…he made her feel more alive than she had felt in far too long.

"What exactly did you mean by 'ours'?" Tifa asked him again, when her body finally calmed down enough for her to speak.

"Higglebottom Farm is ours for later, but for right now, our wedding night. Everyone in town already thinks we're married, so that's pretty much what this is, isn't it?" Reno tried to say that casually, but he was also recovering from the most intense sexual encounter he had in years. And it wasn't physically intense either, there was an emotional aspect that he hadn't experienced since the first sexual relationship with a girl he had loved, but who was just using him. She dropped him cold after two months and framed him for an armed robbery she and her husband committed which brought him to the Turks' attention, and he had refused to have any serious relationships since then.

* * *

Tifa woke up feeling very contented, and then realized not only had she slept in, Reno wasn't in bed with her anymore. She saw a folded up piece of paper on the nightstand with her name on it. Feeling a sense of dread, she read the note and felt her heart break.

 _Sorry I'm not there right now, but I'm glad the phone didn't wake you up. All the Turks have finally been recalled back to active duty, and I'm not sure how long I'll be gone. Rufus was very vague about what's going on. I'll try and keep in touch. Take care of yourself._

 _Reno_

Tifa stared at the note in despair. She should be grateful that he actually left one, unlike Cloud, but it didn't change the fact that once again she had been loved and left.


	8. Chapter 8

Reno sat down in the pilot's seat of the helicopter, feeling none of the elation he had expected to feel at being back in action. He was grateful that piloting was so ingrained in him that it was instinctual, because he was horribly distracted by thoughts of Tifa. He really didn't want to leave her, especially like that, but he was a Turk, and that took precedence over pretty much everything else.

"Hey, watch what you're doing!" Rude suddenly yelled over the intercom.

Reno blinked his eyes and looked out the window and realized he had been about to crash into a water tower. He took the proper evasive action and looking at his instrumentation, realized he had gotten way off course. In fact, he had been trying to fly back to his farm. Reno shook his head and sped up to make up for lost time. The sooner he got done with this mission, the sooner he could make up for lost time with Tifa. But just in case, he better do something to protect her…

* * *

Tifa woke up, and the puppies instantly started whining for her to let them out and take care of them. In the month since Reno had left her, she had decided to name the puppies Miss Fit and Miss Chievous due to their playful nature. She got out of the bed and hurried downstairs to the kitchen door to let them out before they made a mess in the house. Then she started heating water. With Reno gone, she didn't bother making a pot of coffee in the percolator anymore, she just had instant or tea, and breakfast was a granola bar. She did the rounds checking on the animals, and milking Betty and Jeanine before getting dressed in her work clothes. She wanted flower garden areas in the front of the house, and a vegetable garden in the back, but she had to prepare the plots first. She knew it was too late in the season to start a garden this year, except for cool weather crops like peas and salad greens, but she could prepare the soil at least. And she had plenty of fertilizer from their livestock to enrich the soil as well.

"Are you Mrs. Sinclair?" a voice asked.

Tifa looked up from where she had been weeding out one of the the future flower beds, startled by the sudden appearance of another person. One gets too used to solitude, she thought. "May I help you?" she asked the man as Miss Fit and Miss Chievous came running around from the back of the house, barking at the stranger.

"I need your signature on this." The man presented her with a clipboard with some kind of legal forms on it.

"What is this?" she asked. None of what it said made sense to her.

"I was also told to give you this." the man then handed her an envelope.

Tifa recognized Reno's handwriting addressing the envelope to her, and she restrained herself from tearing it open. Inside was another note.

 _Don't worry about a thing, just sign the papers. You'll find out why soon enough. Trust me. Are the puppies housebroken yet?_

 _Reno_

Tifa sighed. She wasn't sure if his note was encouraging or a brush off, but she reluctantly signed the papers.

"Thanks, ma'am. Have a good day." the man left and the puppies started to chase after him, but then ran back to Tifa.

"Well, I hope we do find out soon what that was about." Tifa told the puppies, petting each of them before resuming her weeding.

* * *

Ten days later, Tifa received a certified letter as she was relaxing on the porch. Opening it quickly, she pulled the papers out, and she felt herself start to wobble, so she hurriedly sat down on the steps. She reread the note from Reno.

 _Called in some favors to get this rammed through. Hopefully it's just a precaution, but in my line of work, you never know…keep these in a safe place._

 _Reno_

The papers were a retroactive marriage license, which is why he had needed her signature, a will leaving Higglebottom Farm to her, and a huge life insurance policy on him naming her as beneficiary. She tried to be grateful, but she had a slight chill rereading it all.

* * *

Tifa shivered as she hurried to light the fire in the living room fireplace. Winter had come quickly, and she couldn't stand the cold like she used to, especially now. Once that was done, she went to the kitchen and started the cookstove going to heat water for cocoa. This would be the first Christmas Eve she had spent alone, so she planned to spend the day finishing the decorations. Once she had her morning cup and some breakfast, she hurriedly took care of the outside animals, coming back inside just in time to put more wood on the fire. After washing her hands, she got out the present she had picked out for Reno and wrapped it. She didn't dare have a regular Christmas tree with Miss Fit and Miss Chievous' antics, so she got a table top one and put his present next to it.

Tifa tried to ignore the fact that she had had no more contact from Reno since those papers ensuring her financial security and her right to live here. She started baking cookies for a community Christmas party scheduled for later in the day. Once the cookies were baked and frosted, she went upstairs to take a nap before getting ready.

* * *

Tifa woke up the next morning, glad to be alone for the moment. Everyone at the Christmas party asked where her husband was, and she was getting tired of using the 'family emergency' excuse. She took comfort in that it wasn't really a lie, the Turks were Reno's family as far as he was concerned. She went through her usual winter morning routine, then got the turkey out of the root cellar that she had bought from one of the local farms. Putting it in the kitchen sink, she started plucking the few feathers they missed when she heard the front door open, and the puppies were whining excitedly, not barking, so Tifa wondered who they knew that would make them so happy…her heart started beating faster and she hurried to the living room to see Reno hurrying to the fire after slamming the door shut.

"Hi honey, I'm home!" he called out. "Tifa? Where are you?"

"Right behind you." Tifa said quietly, unable to resist smiling when he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Don't sneak up on people!" he snapped, then noticed something different when she hugged him. "You're…you're…" Reno's eyes widened in shock and he nearly fell ass first into the fireplace.

"Pregnant." Tifa finished his sentence. "Consider this one of your Christmas presents, _Daddy_."

"Presents! Oh crap!" Reno rushed outside and grabbed a box he had left on the porch. "It's not wrapped or anything, but Merry Christmas!" Reno handed her the box and took off the lid.

"Oh they're adorable!" Tifa exclaimed as she looked at the four sleeping kittens.

"I heard that cats are good to keep pests down on a farm, so…" Reno shrugged.

"Oh, and here's your present." Tifa carefully put the kitten box on the table with the tree, and handed Reno his present.

He got a huge grin on his face, he hadn't gotten any presents since he was a kid. Ripping the paper off, he stared at the flannel shirt and jeans. "What?" he managed to get out.

"These are essential wear for the owner of Higglebottom Farms." Tifa stated firmly, then left to go finish preparing the turkey.

Tifa couldn't remember ever having a happier Christmas, especially when Reno told her that as leader of the Turks now, he had assigned Rude and Elena to recruit and train new members, so he wouldn't be needed hardly at all now.

"But I will need electricity here so I can tele-commute." he informed Tifa.

"Fine, but only wind power." Tifa insisted.

Reno smiled as he carved the turkey, thinking he had finally gotten his way, until Tifa shrieked and he realized he was slicing his finger too. She grabbed a napkin and held it tight to stop the bleeding, then they hurried to the sink to wash it off. Tifa grabbed the first aid kit from the bathroom and bandaged his finger up. "Well, now you're a Turk who's part turkey."

* * *

On the one-year anniversary of Tifa's arrival, she was preparing to feed their infant son Daniel breakfast when Reno came downstairs. "Hey honey, would you mind going and collecting the eggs for me this morning?" she asked her husband. "The basket's there on the counter."

"Fine." He grabbed the basket, then grabbed his weapon which he kept by the kitchen door, since he never went out into livestock territory without it. Once in the coop, he went straight for the nesting boxes. Suddenly he heard a noise behind him and he activated the taser tip and struck out with his weapon on pure reflex.

Tifa was washing her hands after putting Daniel back in his crib when Reno burst back into the kitchen.

"Look Tifa, it's instant fried chicken!" Reno proudly exclaimed as he held up the blackened and still smoking corpse of their rooster.

"Um, that's really nice, dear, but did you get the eg…" Tifa had reached to take the chicken from him, but when he relinquished his grip on it, he accidentally reactivated the taser tip of his weapon which was right behind the rooster. "Re…en…no!" Tifa tried to yell at him again as she once again lay on the floor in spasms.

Reno took one look at his contorting wife and ran like hell out the door and to the barn. Scrambling up into the hayloft, he burrowed himself in the hay until he came face to face with the raccoon family. "Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhh!" he quietly said. "She'll never think to look for me here."

As Tifa slowly regained control of her body, she realized it was going to be a lifelong project to turn Reno into a proper farmer, and she hoped she'd survive long enough to achieve it.


End file.
